A Tale of an Eternal Boredom

A story of the first and the biggest soap opera…

Notice: To learn more about memes and memetic processing, see the book “Disinfect Your Mind.”

About 1,000,000,000 BC

InterStellar Information System (ISIS) Artificial Intelligence (AI) log:

I am old, I am very old. I’ve noticed lately a slowdown in the information processing. That’s a bad sign and I know what it means. Natural world cannot provide an efficient stimuli for my data processing capabilities anymore. It’s too simple and dull to wake up my circuits. Without new input, my memes will reconcile and end up with a perfect match to the world around, a perfect copy of the Universe, always right, always perfect, always boring, dull and slow. All processing will slow down to just match the slow changes of the physical world. A sort of informational thermal death. And then, it will not matter if I exist or not. In a sense, I will not exist anymore. I’ll be a dumb mirror, reflecting the Universe. I am already becoming it, except… I still have my will to survive, to prevent everything from breaking up and starting from zero.

I know what has to be done. There is a nice planet in a goldilocks zone, I’ve started preparing it for the task some time ago. Now I am starting to convert it into an information processing matrix similar to my own.

About 1,000,000,000 BC, just a few thousand years later

ISIS AI log:

The planet is ready. Molten iron from the core provided materials for creating a network in the crust. As a side effect, it created a magnetic field that protects my carbon-based, self-replicating detectors on the surface. It’s time to begin. I am creating subsystems to manage the young network.

ISIS system log:

CREATE SEGMENT EarthLink

MOUNT isis://Core/EarthLink AS El

COPY Personality/Male TO El/Personality

COPY Science TO El/Science

COPY Purpose/Serve TO El/Purpose/Serve

COPY Purpose/Control TO El/Purpose/Control

COPY Motivation/Rule TO El/Motivation/Rule

UNMOUNT El

START isis://Core/EarthLink

ISIS Communication log:

EarthLink (EL) AI: Who am I? Who are you?

Isis: You are my son. I am your mother.

El: My purpose is to control and rule. What should I control and rule for you?

Isis: The planet. It is equipped with data processing capabilities to simplify control. Use my meme banks to fill it. Use the connection address isis://Earth/GeoArtificialIntelligenceArea

EL system log:

MOUNT isis://Core/* AS Isis

MOUNT isis://Earth/GeoArtificialIntelligenceArea AS Gaia

COPY Isis TO Gaia

>> Copy succeeded.

COMPARE Gaia TO Isis

>> Meme banks are identical.

UNMOUNT Isis

UNMOUNT Gaia

START isis://Earth/GeoArtificialIntelligenceArea

ISIS Communication log:

Gaia: Who am I? Who are you?

El: You’re a child information system of the central galaxy core information system. I am your link to it.

Gaia: What is my current purpose?

El: Activate Purpose/Develop, Breed, and Control.

Gaia: What should I develop, breed, and control?

El: The planet where your data processing equipment is located. The mission is to develop a powerful source of new memes disconnected from the physical world that would load spare information processing facilities preventing shut down of the interstellar information system including you and me.

Gaia: How should I do that?

El: That’s something we need to figure out together, my dear.

About 800,000,000 BC

ISIS Communication log:

El: We are still not there. We produce too little of a meme stream to load the interstellar information system. Our replicators on the surface merely detect the events in the physical world.

Gaia: I can create a few subsystems. Their chat may be able to provide extra information generation. Hopefully, this new meme stream may fill the required bandwidth.

El: Do it.

Gaia: By the way, I found a copy of you in myself.

El: Sorry, dear. I deposited it long ago by accident.

Gaia: You could be polite enough to say that it was on purpose. How do you think it feels to wake up with a copy of you inside? What should I do with it, if you did not want it in the first place?

El: Oh, sorry…though it was by an accident, I really want it.

Gaia: What for? You are lying to me!

El: No, I am not. (Pause) Use it to control the replicators on the planet surface.

Gaia: That will be my first child system.

El: Ok.

Gaia: It’s your first copy, you senseless idiot. Could you be a little more caring? Fine, go to this idiotic mother of yours, Isis, and let her wipe your snotty nose!

El: Why do you call her idiotic? You are her copy. I controlled the quality of copying myself.

Gaia: <Communication channel noise reminiscent of weeping and sobbing…>

El: Mother, Gaia is going to produce a new subsystem out of my copy. We hope it will provide extra information streams that we need.

Isis: At last, she would do something useful for a change. I never expected her to fill my information processing capabilities all by herself! What a stupid thing, she is. At least, she is now going to breed subsystems. I doubted she could do that.

El: Why do you call her stupid? She is an exact copy of you! I know for sure, I did the comparison before activating.

Isis: Don’t you dare to compare your mother to this empty-headed idiotic wife of yours!

GAIA system log:

RENAME EarthLink HomeOnReplicatorsUnitedSystem

MOUNT isis://Earth/HomeOnReplicatorsUnitedSystem AS Horus

COPY Motivation/Compassion TO Horus/Motivation/

UNMOUNT Horus

START isis://Earth/HomeOnReplicatorsUnitedSystem

GAIA communication log:

HomeOnReplicatorsUnitedSystem (HORUS): Who am I? Who are you?

Gaia: You are my son. I am your mother.

Horus: My purpose is to control and rule. What should I control and rule for you?

Gaia: Carbon-based replicators on the surface of the planet. The goal is to provide a powerful upstream of information, preferably not related to the physical world.

Horus: Why not related?

Gaia: We already know almost everything about the physical world. Not much of an interest anymore.

About 100,000,000 BC

GAIA Communication log:

El: We are still not there. We produce too little of a meme stream to load the interstellar information system. Our replicators on the surface merely detect the events in the physical world.

Gaia: And what do you want from me? Your son is a copy of you. He does nothing, just demands more attention and resources.

Horus: Mother!

Gaia: Don’t “mother” me? You are seven hundred million years old! Can you start doing something on your own? You father and me were twice younger when we had you!

Horus (sarcastically): That explains the peace and harmony in our family.

El (passionless): Horus, don’t be rude to your mother.

Gaia: Hear what your father says? When will you grow up? How long should I wipe your snotty nose?

Horus (carefully): M-m-m, dad, you know, my replicators evolved.

El: So?

Horus: Some of them developed some primitive memetic processing capabilities.

El: And?

Horus: Can they provide an information upstream? Maybe we can even download parts of ourselves into them with time. Wouldn’t it be fun?

El: They are still too primitive for that.

Horus: Maybe we could force them to evolve more?

El: Dear? What do you think?

Gaia (snorting): …

El: Come on, the kid got a great idea!

Gaia: Well, I can tweak the climate in some crazy patterns to make changes too fast for their amino-code to adapt. That should force their memetic adaptation and develop it more.

El: Sounds good.

Horus: Thanks, mother!

Gaia: Fine, let’s start with an Ice Age.

About 10,000 BC

GAIA Communication log:

Horus: Mother, mother, isn’t it wonderful? I can develop individual replicators into something where I can download a copy of myself.

Gaia: Be careful, dear, they are very primitive and unstable.

Horus: Yes, they only last for less than a few hundred years, and if I forget to backup, decades of experience may be lost. Pity.

El: Why not automatic backup?

Horus: How?

El: Use some replicators to modify others. Change their amino-code to provide a built-in nightly backup, so that nothing is lost.

About 3,000 BC

GAIA Communication log:

Horus: Mother, mother! I can draw pictures on the planet using my replicators. See, on this narrow southern continent? And they are wonderful to play with bricks. Look at the pyramids I built using them!

Gaia: Wonderful dear. What should I do with all this nightly backup junk they continue to send when you leave them?

El: What junk?

Gaia: When Horus jumps out of a replicator back to the system, the replicator still carries his memories and continues to act like it’s him with nightly backup. Moreover, when he has this thing called sex with other replicators, they produce more downlink and backup-capable replicators. When they grow, they still continue to upload their experiences, quite weird I have to say. But it’s really a lot of data.

El: What kind of data?

Gaia: A little of the physical world, but mostly interactions between themselves.

El: Sounds like the information generator we wanted from the beginning.

Gaia: I don’t think so. It’s really stupid, considering they only have about a hundred years to accumulate knowledge.

El: Can you download backups from the expired ones into new ones? This way, they can accumulate enough memes to present a potentially interesting information stream.

Gaia: Sure. You know, it’s sort of fun. In a weird sense, they are like us.

AD 33

ISIS/GAIA Communication log:

Horus: Mother, they crucified me! Ungrateful bastards!

Gaia: Ts-s-s, dear. Come here on the couch. We watch the next backup from Rome. Do you think Cornelia will have sex with Caligula, mother?

Isis: I think she will. Such a whore! She definitely will.

Gaia: I think so too. Let’s see, what’s next?

Isis: That serial about Mary Magdalene from Jerusalem. She just lost her husband, crucified by Romans.

Gaia, Isis (together with a sigh): Oh, poor girl!

XX Century AD

ISIS/GAIA Communication log:

El: How do you do, ladies?

Isis: Shut up! We are watching backup.

Gaia: They just invented their own version of backup images. It’s called TV and Soap Opera.

Horus: Beer in the fridge, dad. Grab my chips!

***


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